I wonder if anyone else out there is as dumb as I am. I woke up January 1st, after a full night of egg nog and cheeseball, and immediately got on the scales.
In a somewhat groggy stupor I had convinced myself that I needed to know how much I weighed on the first day of the year so I could accurately gauge how many pounds I lose in 2005. I managed to hit 180 pounds over the holiday season, topping last year’s high by fifteen pounds. If I continue to “lose” at this rate I should be somewhere near 200 pounds by next Christmas.
Sunday I had to wear slacks to church because even the strongest support hose couldn’t keep my thighs from rubbing together under my skirts. Cheeseball always goes straight to my thighs. Dips and chips go to my hips, meatballs and cocktail wieners round out my belly, flavored popcorn from those giant tins makes my cheeks puff up so you can’t see my eyes when I smile, and I’m pretty sure all that egg nog runs straight to my ankles. You know it’s a fat day when your bobby socks feel snug.
Or your husband mentions, in an oddly appreciative tone, that your derriere probably weighs about as much as a third grader. Hubby has always liked plus-sized women, but he forgets sometimes that I’m not thrilled to be one.
After weighing in, I sat down at the computer and made a list of New Year’s Resolutions. I haven’t done this for several years because I got tired of setting myself up for failure. But this year I am motivated! I came up with twenty-five areas of my life to change or improve. Just for fun I considered adding, “take up smoking”, “yell at my kids more” and “gain 15 pounds”.
Here is a portion of my actual list. Fifteen of them are too personal to share, but here are the other ten. As you can see, I was kind of easy on myself.
1. Keep closets organized (First I have to get them organized)
2. Get up no later than 6:15 every day, including weekends, except for extenuating circumstances (Rain in the forecast counts as an extenuating circumstance)
3. Never go back to bed after hubby leaves for work (If I don’t get up before he goes to work, this shouldn’t be a problem)
4. Eliminate impulse purchases (Don’t go down the clearance aisle at Wal-mart)
5. Out to eat only 2 times a month (Not counting lunches at Burger King)
6. Make one extra mortgage payment in 2005 (A modest financial goal)
7. Average 2 pounds a month weight loss (More feasible than “Lose 24 pounds”)
8. Eliminate caffeine (Slowly, over a period of time, but not while I’m writing articles or trying to stay up late to watch Monk.)
9. Fix breakfast 3 days a week and on Saturdays (This resolution should probably read: only make the kids fend for themselves three mornings a week, but if I pour the milk into their cereal bowl it counts as one day of fixing breakfast.)
10. Family Bible reading Monday-Friday
The Bible reading resolution came about after I overheard my seven year old telling a friend that she knows a family who reads the Bible together every day. She continued, “Our family reads the Christmas story every year!”
I don’t know if I’ll manage to get it in every Monday through Friday, but if I can at least fit in an annual Easter story we will have improved 100%!
I did get a brand new Bible for Christmas. It’s a very grown up Bible with a burgundy leather cover and gilt edged pages. Hubby said I should take it and have my name engraved on the cover, as he didn’t get a chance to do it before Christmas. This brought back a memory of when I was a young girl, sitting in church, looking at my mom’s Bible and wondering what last name I would have engraved on mine when I got married.
Twenty years later, I am finally getting to put a married name on a beautiful leather bound Bible. Of course it’s not Manilow or Springsteen like I thought it would be, but Truitt is a good name. Besides if I’d married one of those other guys, we probably wouldn’t be reading the Bible together even once a year. They probably wouldn’t appreciate the fact that my butt is the size of a third grader either.
Resolution number 26: Make sure hubby knows how much I love and appreciate him, every day of the year.
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