My eleven-year-old son makes fun of the “life hacks” he discovers on YouTube. When I asked what a life hack is, he told me it’s what grownups would call a “good idea.”
I told him I’d like to learn more about these hacks, so he sent me the link to a YouTube channel called, Troom Troom, along with the message, “It is very dumb. Bring extra brain cells.”
I chose the second listed video titled “23 Life Hacks That Work Great.” It promised a “collection of simple and very useful life hacks that will help you overcome different domestic problems without spending a ton of time and money.”
I could have saved them a ton of time by rewriting that lengthy description in six words: Ideas No One Will Use. Ever.
Over the course of ten minutes, I learned how to roast three hot dogs at a time with seven materials and eleven easy steps, including cutting a tin can into strips and starting a fire.
I also learned that in twenty-four easy steps, I could convert a Pringle’s can into a drink dispenser. I only needed to gather five tools, eight materials, and a can of spray paint. By the time I finished watching the tutorial, I needed two Pringle’s cans worth of margaritas.
I felt a slight surge of interest when they stated the next hack was making a “convenient” water dispenser from a water bottle. The first instruction was: “Use a soldering iron to make a hole in the side of the bottle.”
I could purchase a soldering iron, I reasoned, and conveniently burn a hole through a disposable bottle. Or for about the same price, a lot less effort, and no risk of burnt flesh, I could purchase an actual water dispenser that holds considerably more than 16 oz.
I couldn’t help but mock these “simple” hacks, until I accidentally discovered a life hack of my own. It’s a very useful series of steps that will help you solve a problem without spending a ton of time and money.
When you are in a parking garage, standing at the payment machine, and you absent-mindedly shove your credit card into the “Insert Bills” slot:
Step 2- Frantically press the “Language” button in case there is a special language for stupid people.
Step 3-Stare at machine while contemplating whether to send in necessary paperwork to have your last name updated on the new credit card when you report this one “lost.”
Step 4-Realize there is a $50 lost ticket fee
Step 5- Hold breath and hit “Cancel” button
Step 6-Verbally thank machine for returning ticket
Step 7-Reinsert ticket along with a second credit card in the correct slot
Step 8-Refrain from hugging passing stranger when machine miraculously kicks first credit card out of the “Insert Bills” slot
Step 9-Do a little happy dance for the security camera.
I don’t know if I can submit this amazing life hack to Troom Troom, but I do know that the next time I utilize a parking garage, I will follow son’s useful advice to bring extra brain cells. Is it just me, or does a Pringles can margarita dispenser sound like a really good idea?