Well, this article and photo will be seen by thousands of people in two counties over the next few days. Here’s hoping I have a decent after picture to publish!!
Will Boone County Win the Battle of the Bulge?
The good news is, I have five beautiful children! The bad news is, I got on the scales this morning and I’m six feet and nine inches tall. Or at least that is how tall I would be if my height matched my weight.
It’s not easy being short and fat. I’m staggered by the number of folks that think I’m either pregnant again or nearing the end of a fourteen month gestation period. Granted, I had lost most of the weight I gained with the last baby, but unfortunately I regained fifteen pounds in the last month. My chip craving, both potato and chocolate, is exceeded only by my total lack of desire for exercise.
Actually, I do want to exercise, it’s just that the desire isn’t stronger than the need to lie down and rest if I have a chance. I tried working-out while the babies nap, but by the time they are quiet I either want to nap with them because I’m still having a lot of sleepless nights, or I need to do laundry, empty the diaper pail, wash out the potty chair, pick up the toys, rewind all the Barney tapes, stare into the pantry with a glazed “what’s for dinner” look, go to the bathroom uninterrupted, and if I’m lucky, eat a snack without sharing. You needn’t point out that if I shared my snacks more often, I wouldn’t be in this weight crisis.
I bought a new workout DVD, hoping that the cost of the purchase would be enough to motivate me to get moving. I managed to exercise three days in a row, but it was a bit of a struggle with my helpful 20-month-old. Kids these days are a little too technologically savvy. Twice she popped out the exercise DVD and tried to replace it with a selection from her vast Barney collection.
Once she understood that this was not acceptable behavior, she decided to join in my workout. During the aerobic portion, she wrapped both arms around my left leg and ordered, “Dance! Dance!”
As I was doing sit-ups she ran circles around me yelling, “Ashes! Ashes!” The ring-around-the-rosy song was completed when she would cry out, “Fall down!” and fling herself across my stomach. I’d like to say my rock hard abs prevented her from making that mistake twice, but the truth is, it was such a fluffy landing that she tried it again and again.
Push-ups were no easier with her assistance. It’s bad enough that I can only do five girlie push-ups when I’m not being hindered, but I can only do one when there’s a thirty pound toddler sitting on my back yelling, “Horsey! Horsey!”
The cool down period was completely shot when she got bored with me and decided to jerk the baby’s pacifier out of his mouth, which started him screaming and in desperate need of mommy’s attention.
Finally, I decided it was easier to load everybody up and go to the park. She could wear herself out playing, and then I could get my exercise pushing around the double stroller I bought at Once Upon A Child after promising hubby I would use it every day.
As we were playing at the park, my sweet little toddler lifted my shirt and asked, “Ball? Ball?” “No sweetheart,” I said, sweet as pie, as I jerked my shirt down so no one would be blinded by my shiny stretch marks. “That’s a spare tire. The ball is over there next to the slide.”
So, here’s the deal. My new weight loss incentive is that I’m going to publish my current weight at the end of every article. If you’d like to join in my weight loss efforts, send an email each weekend with the number of pounds you’ve lost that week and the total number you’ve lost since you started. I’m issuing the same challenge in Montgomery County. I’ll keep a running tally of the total pounds lost in each county and update weekly. Let’s see which county will win this Battle of the Bulge! We will declare a winner the week of August 17th. If you’d like to submit before and after photos we will publish those too.
My current weight is 194. But keep in mind, this includes my wedding band, make-up, and a hair scrunchie.
I admire your transparency and your desire to help not only yourself, but others. My favorite was the last line. In some cases, especially for southern belles, make-up can weigh quite a lot!
Oh how I remember those days with toddler helpers. Unfortunately, I have no such excuse for a lack of exercise, but you know it seems we can always find a reason not to do it, no matter our stage of life.
I can’t wait to see your “after” photos!
Every time in the last five years that I’ve decided to start a weightloss plan I’ve gotten pregnant within roughly a month of beginning the master plan. So I’m hesitant in this but the way I look at it I either lose weight and gain the benefits from that OR I get nine guilt free eat-whatever-I-crave months followed by an adorable baby. I’m willing to risk it either way! Count me in! Oh and I’m not posting my weight online! There’s only one gal I know who would do that!!!