I’m wearing a bracelet today. I know this isn’t big news, but it’s definitely not the norm for me. Back in the 80’s, I relished wearing jewelry. Big, clunky beads, baubles, and bangles were always hanging from my neck, ears, and arms. I had Twist-a-Beads, Add-a-Beads, and Oh-my-gosh-what-are-you-thinking-beads. As far as I was concerned, the bigger and brighter, the better.
Somewhere around 1985, back before I was allowed to wear pants and shorts, I had a colorful Hawaiian shirt that I paired with bright yellow culottes. For those who aren’t familiar with this article of clothing, culottes are supposed to emulate a skirt except that they actually do have legs. In order to maintain modesty, the culottes were required to be no shorter than the middle of the knee, and have no obvious crotch. As my grandfather once pointed out, it rather gave the appearance of a toddler in a saggy diaper. I suppose this helped to serve the ultimate purpose which was to keep nice, young Baptist boys from being caught off guard by the sight of a curved butt cheek, (or Heaven forbid-camel toe!) and falling into a state of frenzied lust.
Let me tell you, no matter how desperately I tried, I could not make culottes blend into the fashion scene of 1985. I cried when I had to go to the mall because everyone else was dressed like Madonna, and I had on a sweet, pink and gray polka-dotted blouse with a bow at my neck, and a long pair of gray culottes. Mom kept saying, “But honey, boys will only date those kinds of girls, they certainly won’t MARRY them!”
I was fifteen. This was not a consolation. And frankly, I bet every one of those girls eventually got married.
Finally, I reached that magical age when I was old enough to wear make-up and jewelry. I developed a philosophy that if I made up my face, and draped myself in jewelry, all attention would be drawn from the waist up and no one would notice my modest bottom half. It all came together when my mom’s best friend, Daphne, took me shopping at the J.C. Penney outlet in Atlanta. Because she didn’t feel the need to follow me into the dressing room and make sure my clothing conformed to the modesty standards, I managed to buy the bright yellow culottes even though they only came to the top of my knees. I felt so liberated! So grown up! My knees were showing!
The only problem was that they were the brightest, gaudiest shade of yellow I had ever seen. Having been a youngster during the introduction of Garanimals, I could not bring myself to pair a bottom with a top that didn’t have an exact matching color in it. So, Daphne and I searched through the clearance racks until we found the pink and turquoise Hawaiian shirt with the gaudy yellow parrots.
You know how you feel all giddy and happy inside when that final piece of an outfit comes together, and you know you are going to look sensational? Upon arriving home with my purchases, I went directly to my jewelry box and started scrounging through my cheap yard sale finds and grandma’s cast-offs. I was trembling with excitement as I pulled out the plastic, hot pink, yellow, and turquoise, dangling parrot earrings!
I completed the look with a matching twist-a-bead necklace, a couple of bangle bracelets, turquoise socks scrunched over hot pink socks, scrunched over yellow socks, and a rainbow of eye shadow. Turquoise first, to complement my hazel eyes, then a stripe of hot pink to coordinate fully with my outfit, and then shiny gold right beneath my brow. Since I didn’t have yellow, I thought gold would be sort of like the sunshine in Hawaii, or a pirate’s treasure, you know, because of the parrots.
Before my mom caught me in the too short culottes, I managed to get outside and ride my bike for hours. It was a beautiful day with just the right amount of breeze to make my bangs grow even higher above the Olivia Newton John sweatband I had fashionably wrapped around my head. I was young, carefree, and a visual shock to the neighbors.
Thirty years later, I have toned down considerably. When I had babies, I pretty much quit wearing jewelry altogether. But last week this $6.00 bracelet caught my eye. It’s kind of big and gaudy, and probably doesn’t really go with my t-shirt and shorts, but it makes me happy when I look at it. So, this morning, I slipped it on. Now, I need to look up Daphne and have her taking me shopping.
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